Never look back, unless it’s to see how far you’ve come right? Well, that’s the approach I take when it comes to the Facebook ‘memories’ function anyway. Sure, it’s good to reminisce about significant moments in your life but in my eyes, it brings with it more cons than it does pros. Let me explain my reasons for throwing shade on Facebook…

New year, not so new you:

Remember back in 2010 when you thought you were carrying a load of junk in your trunk? Yeah, Hannah you weren’t. Sorry to break it to you but you’re carrying more now. Why I put the white chicks quote ‘Hi i’m Cellulite Sally, look at ma huge ba-donkey’ as a status 9 years ago is beyond me. Don’t think I knew the meaning of cellulite back then! Whilst I’m tryna learn to love my wobbly bits, I’m secretly raging that teenage me could scoff a full share bag of doritos with no consequences. I reckon once you hit your 20s your metabolism just says ‘nah, fuck it’ and just disappears!

This is a shout out to my ex:

Ew, did I really go out with that person? And looking at my old cringey photos, did they even really go out with me?! Crikey. Thanks for the memories and all that hun, but I definitely don’t need to be reminded of them.

BFF xoxo

“Hannah it’s your friendaversary with so and so”. These are so frigging awkward, especially as they are never with your actual friends. They always seem to include someone you either haven’t spoken to since year 8 or someone you secretly don’t like but enjoy stalking.

I can’t wait to tell everyone about the boring things I’ve been up to:

Lets be honest, we’ve all had a Tommy Fury circa 2011 status asking the entirety of facebook (or maybe myspace back then) if we had any DT coursework. Maybe we were on to something though by sharing boring shit like photos of our chippy tea, isn’t there a blogging niche for this now?! Could be earning millions over here from all my archived pics of chicken fried rice.

Remember when you thought you were dead fit?

HA! Good one. You know the photos I’m talking about – the ones in the club aged 15 where you’re wearing a top as a dress to try and not be ID’d, the ones where you’re wearing your fave hoodie with black stars on and have your fringe covering one eye to be in with the emo trend, or even the ones where you’re wearing those 3D cinema glasses without the lens to try and be ‘cute and geeky’ (and if you’re like me, you’re actually blind as fuck and need real prescriptions). Those were the days….but please dear God do not remind me of them.

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